It’s easy to get caught up in a certain lifestyle or career which ends up becoming your identity, naturally resulting in your self worth becoming intertwined with these things. In my experience, the only way to discover who you really are is to spend A LOT of time with yourself which is terrifying, especially if you struggle with anxiety and depression like I do. The good news, however, is that you can overcome these things.

I’m not a licensed anything, take any advice with a grain of salt, but I’ve always found solace in doing the uncomfortable. There is some quote by some person that says, “I’d never do anything because it made sense”. I’ve lived my life by this mantra for better or worse and it’s helped me whenever I’ve felt lost. Doing hard thing, embarking on a move or journey, meeting new people, letting strangers in, trying new hobbies or divulging things to people you keep deep down can be liberating.

Chasing ducks and waves are mindful activities for me. For one, there is a massive learning curve. When I got my bird dog 8 years ago, a Boykin Spaniel named Cash, my goal was for him to make one retrieve. Literally, that was it. I had no clue what I was doing, trained him myself, and he would go on to retrieve birds for me from New Zealand to Montana, and of course down south. After being in the industry and working for SITKA Gear, I know without a doubt that I suck at all facets of hunting compared to folks who really get after it but I pride myself on learning and being a master of none. Cash man passes for a bird dog and I pass for a duck hunter but we did it ourselves and C’s get MF degrees and no one can EVER take the adventures away from us. More on those later…

Back to self worth. I spent many a cold morning just me and the pup contemplating life, watching the sun rise on some body of water or in some field and I learned to give myself grace just like I give the Cash man grace knowing he never went to a ‘blue check mark’ for 4 months to learn the ins and outs of bird dog life. As he gets older, I realized I never really cared about the birds. I LOVED being with Cashie, my best friend, and making memories together. That’s when I truly felt free, in nature, with my dawg. That’s what life is about.

Chasing waves is newer to me and I’m addicted, hook, line, and sinker. I started surfing 5 or 6 years ago on a Mini Mal I bought Dunedin, New Zealand on a site called TradeMe. IYKYK. I broke my nose, got given COCAINE paste, the doc broke my nose back, got some painkillers and I was on my way. As soon as I could get back in the water, we essentially were headed home and ended up in Montana. Enter snowboarding, another mindful, adrenaline dumping, somewhat dangerous activity. Three years of snowboarding later, then a move back down south, and we’re slowly building the surf quiver again. I love this shit but I suck relatively speaking in the same way I’m a nobody when it comes to hunting. If you know the people who really rip, you know it’s a disservice to act like you’re anything but a kook or novice or whatever. But who gives a damn? That’s not the point.

The message in this roundabout ADHD incoherent stream of consciousness is to do things which make you feel alive or invigorate the soul. There’s a reason our ancestors have hunted and surfed for generations. As soon as man could tame a wolf, shoot a bird to provide, or ride a wave, they freaking figured it out.

In chasing ducks and waves, there are a lot of things that go wrong. These hobbies can make you feel insignificant, more importantly they remind you that life is precious. They are hard, you will struggle, but it’s worth it, and you know what? You’re forced to quit or figure it TF out.

In the process of figuring things out and failing over and over and over, you just might figure out who you are and find the sense of self worth you’ve been looking for. I’d never identify as a badass surfer or hunter but I do know I’m a better son, brother, father, and husband than I ever was before discovering these things.

They give me a sense of self worth by proxy of being associated with them and make me happy. I said it, some things make me happy! This has not been the case for most of my life. There is a sense of accomplishment from sucking and then sucking less. wow, profound 🙂

Duck & Wave is not about the bottom line, hamsters on a wheel shit I walked away from. It’s about doing and creating something I enjoy, being not good at it, getting better at it, and learning from the failures along the way.

Something, something, metaphor for life. Let’s ride!